Why NOT to do ‘Elf on a Shelf’
And what to do instead.
He sees you when you’re sleeping.
Wait there’s an old guy watching me as I sleep?
He knows when you’re awake.
Um so I’m never alone? What about in the bathroom?
He knows if you’ve been bad or good so be good for goodness sake.
Wait what if I just make a mistake? Am I bad?
Santa watching from afar was one thing but children nowadays have the added pressure of a tiny elf watching them from inside their home now too. Each day this elf will fly to the North Pole to report if the child was good or bad that day.
The idea that a child is labeled good or bad based on their behavior is problematic. Generally, humans tend to make a lot of mistakes. Often it’s how we learn, even more so in the case of children. Making a bad choice doesn’t make a bad person. As adults, we can make this distinction but children are getting a different message from these labels.
Beyond these good and bad labels, there’s also the idea that your good behavior should get you a material reward. Research shows rewarding good behavior actually decreases intrinsic motivation. So instead of making good choices because it feels good, children will only make good choices to get rewarded.
The fear of not getting the reward can make the child feel anxious, not really the spirit of the holiday if you ask me. It can also cause the child to try to hide when they’ve made a mistake. I don’t know about you but I want my children to come to me first when they’ve made a mistake and need help.
Instead of using the elf to try to control your child’s behavior, you could encourage them to think of others this holiday season. Have them write a list of what they want to give to their friends and family vs what they hope to get. Invite them to chose gifts to give to foster children in your community.
You could also shift the focus off of the gifts by participating in all of the fun activities around this time. Take a walk and look at the lights. Make a cup of hot cocoa together. Listen to holiday music— but maybe hit skip on Santa Claus is Coming to Town and kick the elf off your shelf while you’re at it.