Lancey Williams Gandy
Mother of three and founder of Renaissance Parenting.
Lancey earned an MSW and MPA from NYU, worked with Tibetan Refugees in Nepal, was a Hospice social worker in NYC and Kolkata, India, and worked for a variety of nonprofits focused on children’s heath. She is a Reiki therapist as well as watercolor painter.
In addition to Motherhood, Lancey channels her endless energy into reviving the basic joys of life with her children. Playing in water, hiking, music, gardening and crafting to name a few. Over time, her passions have become her family’s passions as her energy and excitement has a magnetic and unifying effect.
Lancey lives in Rye, NY with her husband Matt, their three children, two cats, two budgies, 15 chickens and a freeloading groundhog.
Tell us something that is bringing you joy as a mother right now.
When I see my children live with purpose and have passion for what they are doing I feel validated as a mom. It makes me feel like I have dialed into who they are and found them opportunities to flourish. So much joy comes from observing them engaged in and inspired by the world while working hard because they want to - not because I’m making them. To know that they are happy from growing into who they want to be in their lives makes me feel overwhelming joy.
As a mother of 3, any insights into balancing the needs of 3 children in different developmental stages of life?
With a 13-year-old, 11-year-old and 6-year-old I never feel like I am meeting everyone’s developmental needs. Sports travel and Suzuki music have allowed me to spend a lot of one on one time with each child. I try to follow their signs for needing one on one time. I stay up late talking to my oldest before bed because he opens up then. My middle guy loves to tell me his secrets or needs when I need to run out the door so I try to go on drives with him. My little girl loves to be together all the time so it is easier to keep a pulse on her needs.
I also rely heavily on their teachers at school, extended family, our pediatrician, coaches and music teachers to give me feedback about my kids needs and changes. By having a strong and honest mom friend group I feel safe asking developmentally strange questions. Our community is really important for me to feel like I’m never missing important developmental cues and to normalize crazy developmental moments. I try to read books or listen to podcasts with each change so that it’s not so mysterious. Lately, I am listening to The Puberty Podcast and reading Emotional Lives of Teenagers. The Raising Good Humans podcast is also a great source of parenting guidance.
Your children attended Montessori at young ages and have recently returned to a Montessori school, can you share any reflections on what brought you back to the desire for a Montessori education?
Like meeting the love of my life, I just knew that the Montessori classroom was where I wanted my children to go when they moved out of our home learning environment. I could trust the teachers wealth of knowledge. The curriculum complimented what I was trying to teach at home - independence, grace and courtesy, a desire to work and a love of learning.
I’m not proud to say that we suffered from traditional classroom FOMO a few times and made some country day school choices that never felt right for our family. We were always a Montessori family and so quickly found our way back to traditional Montessori schools like Marin Montessori, Alexander Montessori and The Whitby School. After attending eight different school in three states my conclusion is that a traditional Montessori education teaches students to be discerning learners for themselves - not for someone else. It brings out the best in your child academically, socially and emotionally. The community builds life long friendships between the students and parents. Our children could always be themselves in the Montessori community and we always found a group of like minded parent friends.
Most of our readers have young children or are in the baby phase of life. As a mom of "older children" any advice you would give to those who feel in it right now?
I promise that you will never regret the time you give to your children.
I wish someone had said to me that although it challenges you to your core, this is the most precious time in motherhood. It’s like cultivating your soil before planting your seeds. It’s really dirty, hard work. You’re tired to your depths. My advice is to slow down, join their pace, let them be a little more dirty just to have more time. When they express their feelings, kneel down and treat them like your best friend.
All of these moments make the fruit of your relationship and their confidence in the world so much juicier. Cultivate your little ones in the short window you have with them. Once they turn 11, they start to pull away, never to return to the same innocent orbit they have with you. It parallels the experience of a garden in full bloom; you quickly forget how dirty the soil was, every dirty moment with your children is worth it.
Your children's dedication to sailing has led to some amazing world travel for your family.
As soon as my kids were born we started traveling together. I normalized the experience and empowered them to take care of their own needs on the trip. They have always brought their own carry-on bag on trips. If they want snacks - they pack them, if they want to watch a movie- they pack ear phones, charger and iPad.
We try to do an hour of reading before we zone out on screens. I make them meal at home and pack it in their bags so their diet stays normal. Sugar sneaks into our kids while traveling and makes them crazy so I try to avoid it. The best tip I would give is to control your own anxiety, give yourself time, make easy choices and they will follow you. Definitely don’t wait, start young! We love Miers Laboratories homeopathic “No Jet-Lag” pills when we change time zones. It works for daylight savings too.
How do you practice self-care?
Shortly after having my third child I realized that I was waiting all day to get in me-time and never finding it. I forgot that I used to exercise, meditate, paint, read and garden. I basically forgot me! The parenting game changer for me was when I started forcing myself to wake up at 5:30 am (gasp). I’m a night person so it took two weeks to fully transition into waking up. I get up, have my hot beverage (MUD\WTR is my new favorite), go for a run or 25 minute workout with Morgan Coleman on Ready Sweat Fitness, shower, make breakfast, lunches and I’m ready. Prioritizing momma-self-care changed our whole family dynamic.
Living a bi-coastal lifestyle, what are some local activities your family love on the east coast versus west?
I try to tap into whatever the local people are doing. It’s all about making things seem cool and adventurous to the kids. We try new food, or eat somewhere special to the place. We buy local clothes so they feel a sense of belonging to the place. We shop at local farmers markets so they see what grows there and what the people look like.
On the east coast, we go to NYC and see the latest Broadway show, go rapid-speed through museums (1 hour tops) and ride local transportation. On the West Coast it’s more about outdoor adventures. I find that when the kids feel like they have something meaningful to do then they are way more into the place. We enjoy walking through new towns, going fruit picking, finding water to swim in (beach, river or lake outings are our family reset), see live music, or go to Town, State or National parks.