Desiree Dorfman
AMI Montessori Trained Mother of 2
As a child, if you asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, the answer was always a teacher. I got to fulfill this desire in a Montessori classroom for five years until another dream came to fruition— becoming a mother. Once my son, Damian was born in October 2017, my focus shifted. I knew very early on I couldn’t give myself the way I wanted to in the classroom while giving myself to motherhood too. My focus has been being Damian’s mom and now Remy’s mom since he joined us in September 2021.
As a former Montessori teacher turned parent, what was the adjustment out of the classroom and into the home?
The idea that you birth a new version of yourself when you birth your child really resonates with me. Prior to having Damian, I loved the idea that I could prepare myself to become a mother. There’s a note in my phone that details how I would get physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally prepared.
“Maybe being naïve enough to think I could be prepared for this transition made it possible to do it. If I had known all the ways it would change me, maybe I wouldn’t have been brave enough to try. ”
Anything you expected/did not expect?
Loving my own child was everything and nothing like I expected. It was both easier and harder than I imagined. If you know me, you know words aren’t hard for me to come by but it feels impossible for me to describe this.
Tell us something that is bringing you joy as a mother right now.
Seeing Damian and Remy love each other. I’ve never wanted two people to love each other as much as I want them to. When I was much younger, I used to think I wanted four children so I was shocked when I struggled with the decision of having another child after Damian. I didn’t want to have another baby just because a younger version of me thought I would. I wanted to feel a strong desire to do it and that took me more time than I anticipated so there’s a bigger age gap than I expected. While pregnant, I worried if they’d be too far apart to have a close bond so seeing them love each other is the ultimate joy for me.
Any advice for bringing Montessori into the home?
Since I left the classroom, Montessori has become more mainstream, it feels like it’s “in fashion” I’ve seen a lot on social media that misses the mark. Montessori isn’t perfectly curated shelves in pristine playrooms. It’s a way of being with your child that allows them to become who they are. Observing them and seeing their unique interests. Giving them the time, space, and tools to complete tasks on their own. Remy is home with me and wants to do what I do so I try to find some part of my task that he can meaningfully contribute to. When I’m unloading groceries, I set up a stool next to the refrigerator and have him put the cans of sparkling water in. When I’m doing laundry, I have him add the socks into the washer. When bringing in the garbage cans, I let him roll in the smallest one. Think about giving your child something that’s slightly challenging but within his or her capabilities.
What does your typical morning routine look like?
Breastfeed Remy and change his diaper, FaceTime with my mom, make coffee, unload the dishwasher, cuddle Damian, make breakfast and pack Damian’s lunch, while Remy and Damian brush their teeth I get dressed, then I get Remy dressed while Damian gets dressed, drive Damian to school, go on a walk with Remy, start the laundry, read and play with Remy, put Remy down for his nap, then more coffee!
You have a community of mom's that turn to you for parenting advice, what is the most common question?
There’s not a specific common question but there are two common themes. The questions tend to center around what’s developmentally appropriate for their child or if the mother is doing something wrong. Responses often include reassurance, advice, and encouragement. Being a mom feels hard because it is hard. Moms today are inundated with information and it’s overwhelming. Being on social media is fertile breeding grounds for comparison but curated photos and videos never tell the whole story. Each child is on their own path of development and so is each mother. When I’m struggling, it helps me to think that I’m in the childhood of my parenthood.
What are you most looking forward to as your children get older and enter different phases?
Meeting the new versions of them. Every few months I feel like another petal opens and reveals a new beauty to them. If I tried to describe motherhood in one word, it’d be duality. I can’t wait to know them and desperately don’t want them to change.
Any recent favorite products you are enjoying right now?
I once heard that you should never underestimate the power of water or fresh air to change the tune of a hard day. I use this advice for myself and the children. I’ll suggest a bath even in the middle of the day. Something that has made their baths more fun are Glo Pals which are these blocks that light up when put in water. My baths are better when using Bathing Culture body wash and lighting a candle from my favorite boutique in San Francisco, Picnic SF. I love the Russian Hill scent because it reminds me of taking long walks through my old neighborhood. Time spent out in the fresh air means sun exposure. I like to use Suntegrity 5-in-1 Tinted Moisturizer Face Sunscreen for myself. Oh and useful tip— applying sunscreen to the kids faces is made much easier by using a makeup brush!
My favorite time of day with the kids is reading before bedtime. One of Damian’s long standing favorite books is “Here We Are” by Oliver Jeffers and Remy loves “Mr Brown Can Moo! Can you?” by Dr Suess.
