There is No “Step” in My Blended Family
By: Jenna Hermans
When I met my husband, he had three children under the age of four. I was not a mother at the time, biologically speaking, but I was managing a preschool. Hanging out with young kiddos all day was my jam (still is!)
My parents divorced when I was two, so I was familiar with what his kids were going through, shuffling between homes at such a young age.
When our relationship became serious and the kids and I started spending a lot of time together, I knew I needed to be thoughtful about my approach as an influential adult in their lives.
I had a stepmother growing up, and I used my experience as a stepchild to inform how I wanted to show up for these youngsters. I wanted to do everything in my power to make them feel loved, seen and that they had a cohesive family unit.
We knew we’d eventually want to add a fourth child to our family, so I planned to treat my husband’s kids like "my own" from the beginning. I never wanted them to feel like "others" in our home or that they weren't loved or desired as much as their future sibling.
There is no “step” in our family because there's no step separating us. I’ve been raising these children since they were very young. They started out calling me Jenna, but after being their main mothering figure, organically transitioned to “mama.” After our fourth child entered the world, my heart grew exponentially; I learned there was more than enough love to go around. My love for them expanded even more when I birthed a human myself.
Their little brother is my biological son, and since all the kids live with us full-time, so there’s no need for anyone to be called anything separate from each other. We are all in this together. I don't think our youngest even knows that his sisters and brother aren't my biological children. Lol.
I understand and respect why some families feel the need to say "step" or are most comfortable with that label. Whether it be the relationship began when the kids were older, they don't spend a lot of time together, the parent on the other side makes the relationship very challenging, or whatever the reason, every family and individual needs to do what feels best for them. But there's no “step” in our reality. I am a whole mom to my non-biological children, I am not step-parenting them. I know many other moms of their partner’s kids feel the same way–we don't "step" anything. And I love it that way.
