A Montessori Approach to Discipline
Using the word “No!” is stressful for both the parent and the child. In the Montessori classroom, the teachers are trained to phrase their language positively. The phrases used are meant to direct the child to what they CAN do. “I see that the playdoh is not available, but let’s use our hands to work with the puzzle map instead.” The child doesn’t experience this re-direction as a negative, but simply will take the information as factual and hopefully move in a different direction.
A Montessori adult speaks and listens to their children with respect.
In turn, the children will intuit that their parents or caregivers are there to support them if they are having a hard time. When we say no all the time or without reason, our children may begin to ignore us.
Here are 5 tips for a Montessori approach to discipline.
1. Avoid using bribes, punishments or rewards – These are all imposed forces created by the adults in a child’s life. This will encourage the child to motivate himself through the needs of someone else, rather than creating their own morals and values and making the “right choices.”
3. Model for your child and guide them through solving conflict. Why not to say “I’m Sorry.” Demonstrate for your child how to get an ice pack for a friend or sibling with an injury, or how to listen carefully to the words of someone else in times of conflict.
4. A common Montessori phrase is “Freedom within Limits.” Try to allow your child to have the freedom to explore their environments with clear limits. If your child enjoys time in the backyard, make sure they know the limits of the space before allowing uninterrupted free play. For example, staying in a sight line, or using the watering can ONLY with a large bucket of water provided. “You may dig into only this garden bed of soil.” When those limits are ignored, then use natural consequences directly associated with the behavior. “I see you dug into the soil I was protecting, digging is over for today.” Remove the shovel, or remove your child from the physical area. Clear, cut limits will give your child a direct message and they will know not to repeat that action.
5. Stay calm and work together. If we used raise voices, our children will echo. It is ok to express upset, but do so by modeling and offering vocabulary for what you are feeling. “I am feeling frustrated that the toys are still on the floor, can you help me clean them up?” Problem solve with your child so that they develop problem-solving techniques they may not have thought of initially. “I see that there is a huge water spill on the floor, what do you think we should use to clean it up? Can I help you?”
If there are too many limits, the child will feel like they live in a dictatorship and may be too scared to do things or, worse, sneak behind our backs so they won’t be caught. And if there are no limits, the child has license to do whatever they like without thinking of others or may have the feeling that no-one cares for them.
