5 Ways to Clearly Communicate With Your Child
It’s Time.
Using the phrase “It’s time” eliminates any question or option for your child when you need them to accomplish a task.
“It’s time to use the bathroom.”
“It’s time to get dressed.”
“It’s time to go to bed.”
Be clear and firm in your statement and follow through. Follow up with choices if needed.
“Will you choose your shirt or will I?”
“Will you start with the right shoe or left?”
“Are you going to put your jacket on or your shoes first?”
“If you are unable to make the choice, I will make the choice for you.”
Offer Observations.
Offer observations or ask questions instead of praise. Praising your child is a comment on the outcome of their work or behavior. Saying “good job!” might motivate your child to the adult’s satisfaction, rather than the child’s own process. By bringing your child’s attention to how they might feel or how their actions may affect others, they may be inspired to keep working at challenging tasks, or continue behavior that positively impacts those around them.
“Your smiling face showed me you must have really enjoyed drawing that!”
“Tell me more about that!”
“Your sister was so happy when you gave that to her, what a kind thing to do!”
“You were working so hard to get across all the monkey bars!”
Respect for Readiness
Show your child respect for their eventual “readiness” and confidence in taking on new things.
They need encouragement to do things at their own pace and will benefit from your calm and trust in them.
“I know when you’re ready, you’ll use the potty just like mom and dad.”
“You are so strong, you’ll keep practicing and master those monkey bars one day!”
“I’m not worried, I know you’ll ride your bike around the block when you feel comfortable.”
“When you decide to, you’ll stop sucking your thumb.”
Provide Information so Your Child Can Develop Decision Making
Provide information, instead of commands. Then children have an opportunity to make their own choices with the right facts.
“Paper goes into the paper recycling.”
“The weather report said there will be rain this morning; it’s a good day for our rain gear.”
Take your child’s feelings seriously.
Pace their own reality. If they cry because their banana broke, don’t tell them it’s nothing or write it off, talk them through and acknowledge their feelings.
“I can understand how upsetting this is. Now it doesn’t look like a perfect banana. I would also feel upset if my food didn’t look exactly as I had prepared it. How can we make it look like something you want to eat?”
When you can make kids feel understood, they can switch to problem solving mode and won’t have as much of a need to tantrum.